What I was on about the other night =p

'something that has been trailing me my entire life.

Something that I have finally destroyed utterly and totally. It may have taken somebody to say it to me to make me realise it. But I'm still like \o/ (thats e throwing my arms into the air in joy haha)'

Thats what I said and I think its time to explain, I'm the youngest of 3 brothers. Who are total legends btw, I would gladly follow them to hell and back and they'd do the same without asking. Ya know we take care of each other look after each other like proper family do.

But I'm very much the black sheep of the family, I was the one who was drinking when I was 13, I had been smoking for 3 years (on and off) before I was caught when I was 14. By then I was very much full time, I also got into alot more trouble in school than any of my brothers ever did. Nothing serious but I was and still am much more of a messer than either of them.

This was also greatly reflected in my school work. I was never even close to either of them in grades at school. We all went to the same school and because we look very alike (to the point where people think I am my brothers on the bus or if I pass in a car) teachers often confused our names. In my class in secondary school there was a fella there who even had the same name as me which led to alot of confusion in the first days. We're now great friends too he's a total ledge and I'm glad I met him he's a proper friend.

What I'm saying though is that because teachers either confused my name with my brothers or my friend (who at the time was one of the top in the class) it often led to things like "Cian" 'yes' 'yes' "No, not you the smart one" or "x" (me being called my brothers name) and then "Oh wait I forgot he always gets A's doesnt he"

Which for a youngfella at the age of 14 is rather nasty. I was also shite at maths in school despised them, still do of course =D But the maths teacher I had also had both of my brothers. I was really bad at them as in I didnt do homework in maths for 2 and half years straight.

So that led to me and her having shouting matches in class and regular visits to the year head, she was also a complete bitch so its not all my fault. Suffice to say that wouldnt do at all and when the Junior Cert (the first state exam in Ireland usually your about 15) came around I was well and truly fucked. But :o I pulled through got a B in maths which took alot of work but how bad. Then we have the leaving cert which is slightly more important as it allows you to gain virtually free access to a college course of your chosing provided you can get enough points for it.

The points system is rather odd as the points value for the subject you are entering isnt based on its difficulty, its based on demmand from the year before and in extreem cases of demmand ie: 200 more students want to do the subject than they have places for the points will increase until they have a number the lecturers can deal with.

But me being a moron thought it was the other way around low points = easy. Which is wrong, low points means a course that not many people take. This happens for one of two reasons (a) its impossible (b) the degree doesnt have many employment prospects. I got option (a) which is why I stated in my earlier posts that I dropped out of college last year and was basicly fucked.

I was after clawing and scraping my way through secondary school, battering my way past the Leaving Cert. Then was hit by the college wall, needless to say I was found wanting. I couldnt hack it and dropped out. So once again the black sheep of the family has found his place, neither of my brothers did that and I was begining to think alot of people thought I was thick. Because of our good old friend the 'Recession' I couldn't find any fucking work either. So for 9 months I was what alot of dropouts are 'A waster' having that title and having your friends regularly say it is shit. But from all the above I hope you can see the sort of state I was in, feeling like shite, getting treated like shite and having my sense of well being and self confidence at an all time low. It was the worst I had felt in a long time.

But here I am one year later with my first year of college under my belt passed all of my exams and am in very well paid part time work,so ya know what Fuck the lot of ye wankers I'm here and I'm not fucking off without a fight >:)

Oh and about that was said to me, I told somebody in work what I got a 2.2 in my exams which is a 60-65% average.

She said "Well there ya go, see you can do it when ya want to. You know people could have been going xxxxxxx(my dad) has 3 sons 2 of them are great but the young fella well he's a different story"

When she said that I was like o.o it was like getting hit in the face with a brick and has made me realise that I can do shit if I want it badly enough so woo woo GO ME =D

Hope ye enjoyed my little story anyway and I hope to blog again soon,

take care :)