Just read cvn's post

Jesus that news is soo bad, I mean christ like its fucking horrible.

I suppose I should tell ye why that blog hit me like a brick...

My best friend was killed when I was 15, he was run over by a taxi when he was crossing a motorway. His family are still fucked I mean his parents were odd to begin with but they took a massive hit from it, his Dad took early retirement and well his mum's a nervous wreck now. He was only 14 when it happened so that understandable and well I'm not going to lie to ye I was in shock, we had buried another family member the same year and withing 2 months of that my grandad and my gran aunt who I was very close to died aswell... so needless to say that was a complete cunt of a year. The only time I cried was when I saw my oldest brother coming out of my grandads bed room crying his eyes out (he was living at home) after my dad had just told him that he probably wouldnt be around for much longer.

Thats probably one of the worst memories I have from my teens and I wish I could erase it from my mind, but anyway my friend was dead, gone just like that. I was at home when it happened and his brother came over to our house and said
"He's been hit by a car"
fucking bang just like that my heart sank and I sat down on the stairs head in my hands wishing with every single ounce of my being that he would be ok that this was all just a bad dream and wasnt hapening. But it was and I knew what I had to do, some of the girls we knew were having a sleepover in a house a few minutes away from mine, I left my house and ran, ran as fast as my fucking legs could carry me to the house. I had to talk to them, tell them what was going on.

When they saw me banging on the window their faces went gray they knew something bad was after hapening. I told them, I almost felt like throwing up I was in shcok my mind was numb and my heart was feeling the worst pain I have ever known in my life. The girls were just as bad talking in hushed voices tears welling in their eyes it was horrible. I went home and was staning in the hall when I heard the door bell ring, that was his brother coming to tell me that my best friend was ok... I opened the door and he said

"He didnt make it" tears streaming down his face.

I was just standing there eyes and mouth wide open not really sure what to do, my heart was beating so fast I could hear it pounding in my ears, I talked with him for a bit and he left crying and walked back to his house. I went to the girls house and told them, one of the most awfull sounds I have in my head to this day was holding them close to me as they cried... it felt so bad but at least I was there with them and we were all there for each other.

The funeral was horrible I was standing there arm around a friend from our gang who was crying I just hugged him and told him that he could talk to me if there was anything he needed. Inside I was in bits, just an empty shell of who I was the day before I was numb, hadnt eaten in days and wanted to wake up from this what was probably the worst time of my life. But my friends needed me and I was dammed if I wasn't going to offer my shoulder to anyone who needed it.

I still havent cried about that or any of the other deaths to this day, the only time I did the entire time I told ye about earlier, I think there's only so much your heart can take before it tells life to go and get fucked.... didn't even cry while typing but I'm glad that I told ye about this I wanted to for soo long but I didnt want to just post it out of the blue. Hearing about what hapenned I realised I could share a part of my life that I have never talked about with anyone.

RJ I know you cant hear me but you hang in there ok dont give up and never stop fighting for your life. I'm wishing with every ounce of my sould that you will be ok....

I'l check back in a bit to see how he got on

Bye for now

Cian